i love your points about putting in work for friendships!! they’re not meant to be easy and you nailed that! also thank you tons for your kind words 💌 so so special to read that and you are so talented and lovely!
The other day I asked a friend to borrow something as an excuse to see her (as I’ve thrown out months of invites that she wasn’t able to do) and she told me to order it on Amazon. She doesn’t extend invites to me so I think it situations like this that cause me to feel I’m better alone than with people who clearly don’t want to connect with, help, or see me.
I agree that all this Tik Tok therapy has made us all self-important. I do believe the main goal of therapy (professional therapy, not Tik Tok therapy) is to make one feel emotionally safe and to give us a reframing of mindset against our negative patterns. Most of us were never built the tools for interpersonal relationships or self-regulation - and I grew up WITHOUT social media or easily accessible internet access, so imagine people nowadays! Now that I am older, consider that more people are working remote, fueling our inability to make small bids of connection daily. In my office, I see a huge disparity with how Gen X versus Gen Z interact. This pernicious concept is so seeped into our modern culture unfortunately. Plus, we are burnt out from work and our commutes and having to care for children that we have no time to make friendships while working our 9-5. This just leads all of us to seek numbing from stress and pain, which fuels the cycle. There is no emotional reserve left for others if we ourselves are depleted
As kids, friendship was easy. I broke my pencil and I could share us and that automatically made us best friends in the whole world!
As adults, it takes more than that. It requires actual work which can be tiring when you have all these other things going on in your life. The reassurance is in believing that it's always worth it. Always.
You have a point, but context matters a lot. A lot.
It is good to be kind, we need people, people have been good to me. People I don't even have a relationship with. People who have referred me for jobs. People, who I, on a normal day wouldn't have access to. We truly need (good and bad) people.
But like I said earlier, context matters a lot.
There are people you should never help, never give them access into your life.
That's where guts and intuition comes in.
In all, we need wisdom. Wisdom to deal with people, cos we all need people.
What you said is so true , people don't like putting in the work and will be complaining that they have no friends or there friends aren't loyal if you are not adding anything to the relationship or making any effort there's no way it will work.
Thank you this made me realize that I should put more effort if I want things to work ❤️
i love your points about putting in work for friendships!! they’re not meant to be easy and you nailed that! also thank you tons for your kind words 💌 so so special to read that and you are so talented and lovely!
omg thank you so much sarah! i love your work so much!
The other day I asked a friend to borrow something as an excuse to see her (as I’ve thrown out months of invites that she wasn’t able to do) and she told me to order it on Amazon. She doesn’t extend invites to me so I think it situations like this that cause me to feel I’m better alone than with people who clearly don’t want to connect with, help, or see me.
So sorry about that Jess. Unfortunately these days it is hard to find friends that care. They are rare but they exist. I hope you find them💕
I agree that all this Tik Tok therapy has made us all self-important. I do believe the main goal of therapy (professional therapy, not Tik Tok therapy) is to make one feel emotionally safe and to give us a reframing of mindset against our negative patterns. Most of us were never built the tools for interpersonal relationships or self-regulation - and I grew up WITHOUT social media or easily accessible internet access, so imagine people nowadays! Now that I am older, consider that more people are working remote, fueling our inability to make small bids of connection daily. In my office, I see a huge disparity with how Gen X versus Gen Z interact. This pernicious concept is so seeped into our modern culture unfortunately. Plus, we are burnt out from work and our commutes and having to care for children that we have no time to make friendships while working our 9-5. This just leads all of us to seek numbing from stress and pain, which fuels the cycle. There is no emotional reserve left for others if we ourselves are depleted
Hi, I stumbled upon this on twitter and I must say that you really put a lot these things in perspective.
"we can only expect more if we do more", this is my biggest takeaway. I can only expect more when I do more.
As kids, friendship was easy. I broke my pencil and I could share us and that automatically made us best friends in the whole world!
As adults, it takes more than that. It requires actual work which can be tiring when you have all these other things going on in your life. The reassurance is in believing that it's always worth it. Always.
📌📌word
I consider this a viral substack post😭❤️
😂😂😭❤️
I’ve been having the SAME THOUGHTS about therapy and community—do we share the same brain??
Maybe we do😂🥹😍
So well articulated — this is everything I’ve talking about this year. Keep up the good work! 🌟
Thank youuu
You have a point, but context matters a lot. A lot.
It is good to be kind, we need people, people have been good to me. People I don't even have a relationship with. People who have referred me for jobs. People, who I, on a normal day wouldn't have access to. We truly need (good and bad) people.
But like I said earlier, context matters a lot.
There are people you should never help, never give them access into your life.
That's where guts and intuition comes in.
In all, we need wisdom. Wisdom to deal with people, cos we all need people.
I agree!
Powerful!
thank you! >3
What you said is so true , people don't like putting in the work and will be complaining that they have no friends or there friends aren't loyal if you are not adding anything to the relationship or making any effort there's no way it will work.
Thank you this made me realize that I should put more effort if I want things to work ❤️
yep.
You are the problem we are talking about