#17 : “I’M SORRY WOMEN.”
is anything happy about IWD?
On Friday, my university hosted an International Women’s Day event. Usually, because of my rampant social anxiety, I shy away from school events. This time around I was determined to not miss it. I am glad I didn't. As far as small school events go, the IWD event was one of the best I have attended. There was a panel discussion, hosted by a student, and moderated by our deputy provost — who is a woman. Our moderator was amazing. She brought up questions that required thought-provoking and nuanced answers, she steered the conversation between the panellists really well, and her insight was measured and priceless. She was so well-spoken and so intelligent, as were the other panellists. The room was filled with young women bursting with insights and questions. I think there was only one boy in attendance (which goes to show that men will not show up to anything that doesn’t center them), and a handful of men (staff members who had to be there). There was a vibe– I cannot explain it even if I tried but I am going to. The room was warm. A warm, communal spirit hung over us. We felt safe. We were safe. Anytime our deputy provost spoke (oh how I love that woman!) a warmth filled me. Everyone was enthusiastic and engaging. I had never seen anything like it. Only a gathering for women and by women could do this.
We spoke about women at school, women in the workplace, the difference between equality and equity (which is actually what we need) and the importance of radical self-acceptance and confidence in a world that is already set up against you from the start.
It's astounding how disadvantaged you are as a person immediately you are born female in this world. No matter who you are, you will face prejudice just because you are a woman. Our mothers faced it, their mothers faced it, and we still face it.
—
There’s a certain disgust that crawls up the faces of boys and men when women’s issues are brought to the fore. I’ve noticed it with the boys around me. Even the “good ones” — boys you are friends with, who you have higher expectations for and who you hope are good people. Have you realised the discomfort, no, disgust, that overwhelms them once the conversation veers to women’s issues? Once, I was sitting with my friend at a table at school, and we were discussing our research for our International Relations, Security, and Sustainability essay. We were discussing Feminist Theory in International Relations, bouncing ideas off each other, and having a great conversation. Some friends of ours came to join us ; they were boys. Immediately they heard the subject matter, they started snickering. “ What an intellectually stimulating conversation you both are having.” they said, scorn colouring their words. (Have you noticed how boys weaponize ridicule? I for sure have.) My friend, who might I add is one of the most intelligent people ever, tried to argue with them but they immediately shut her down. They did so not in an outright or obviously rude way, but they shut her down nonetheless, their collective voices drowning hers out. We immediately became uncomfortable. I fell silent. It was weird for a minute until someone brought up another joke. These were our friends, people we liked and respected. These were good, kind boys. Yet they couldn't stomach a spirited intellectual debate on feminism for a second or two. What does that tell you? I’ve noticed that real misogyny, outright misogyny, is making a comeback. You just need to look to Twitter for that. All of the social progress we have made in the past fifty years is being repealed and it's been repealed fast. It is scary. In The Gambia, men in parliament are set on arguing to decriminalize FGM!!! What the actual hell? The rights of women and girls are being rolled back on a large scale globally. It is horrifying to witness. It is scary to be a woman in 2024, and society should be ashamed of that.
Here are random facts to annoy you. Do you know that when men get a vasectomy they are given meds to deal with the pain but women aren’t given any meds during their IUD insertion although it is horribly painful and has been proven to be? Do you know that femicide has been on an exponential rise all over the globe, especially in countries like Kenya and India? Do you know that the reproductive rights of women are being tampered with and that women’s health in the reproductive sector ( fibroids, PCOS, endometriosis) is severely under-represented? There is still no cure for PCOS. In 2024! Women still get raped, assaulted, and abused in record numbers all year long. Over 9000+ women have died in Gaza in the ongoing war, and that is half of their problems. There is no discussion of war that does not include rape. Doesn’t that send a shiver down your spine? Doesn’t that make you mad? Well, it makes me mad. Really mad. And I feel helpless because I can do nary a thing about it.
I hope I have angered you with these few stats. That was my intention. That's what we need. We need to stay angry. It is only when we are angry that we can protest and effect change. And protest doesn't need to be this big, glamorous thing, with placards and slogans (although that is also really helpful). It can be in the little things. It can be in keeping your male friends accountable, firmly telling them while looking straight into their eyes, unwavering and without fear: “Here's what I think". It can be raising your voice physically and making them shut up so you can be heard. It can be moving through the world with audacity and being simply unflappable. You can make your whole life a protest. One of my favourite essayists wrote in her advice column a while ago, “Cherish all of your dreams and desires with the stubbornness of a wicked queen, and watch your horizons expand in every direction.” The way to survive in an untenable world is to become unflappable and simply unsquashable.
What does one do in a system that sets them up to fail from the start? One becomes defiant.
post IWD felicitations:
Happy IWD to strong women. Happy IWD to high-achieving women. Happy IWD to creative women. Happy IWD to the organised babes. Happy IWD to loud women. Happy IWD to women who are not liked. Happy IWD to bad women. Happy IWD to disorganised women. Happy IWD to mediocre women. Happy IWD to women with ADHD and other mental health issues. Happy IWD to disabled women. Happy IWD to religious women. Happy IWD to non-religious women. Happy IWD to ALL women.
Up women, always and forever!
And, and! Happy Mother’s Day to our wonderful Mums.
books, articles, movies and podcasts that i listened to or read during the week and deem worthy of sharing.
I HAVE SO MANY RECS THIS WEEK OMG.
Books:
Never thought I’d say this about books but guys my brain is tired. I read fourteen books back to back in February and I’d just like to give my eyes and mind a rest. Ei!
Visual:
A Business Proposal (2022) — I loved this! It was incredibly funny and heartwarming. K-dramas are unmatched, and I am glad my interest in them has been piqued again
Dune (2021) — I watched Dune in preparation for watching Dune 2 with friends. I really enjoyed it. My thoughts on the movie? Same thoughts as the Critical Drinker’s, period.
Stumbled on this incredible YouTube video called “Why We Should Inconvenience Our Friends” by Adella Afadi. She brings up really good arguments on love-as-sacrifice and I really enjoyed hearing her speak.
Jackie Hill Perry’s “What is a Woman”
Podcast:
The Shameless Podcast is absolutely amazing!
Music:
This is a new instalment on media matters! Today’s music rec comes from my dear friend Emma, who has an immaculate taste in music. Here is her heartbreak playlist. Give it a listen, please!
Articles:
On Having Gigantic Boobs — Clementine Morrigan : What a read. I don't even want to talk plenty. Just go and read it right about NOW.
Passion Requires Slow Cultivation — Heather Havrilesky : On the importance of consistency despite talent.
As an Angry Feminist, should I Let Go of the Dream of Marriage? — Ask Polly: My favourite read of the week. great advice from Ask Polly (Heather Havrilesky). Her analogy skills are top notch!
Hey there! If you are reading this, I love you. Thank you for reading and supporting my work. If you’re new here, welcome. If you’re an old-timer, you’ll notice that this publication is under a new name. Cheers to that. Please, please, please share the stack. It helps me in ways that you cannot imagine. If you liked this essay, don't forget to leave a like and a comment. One last thing. On the fourth Sunday of March Krystle and I’s advice column would be coming back. Please ask us for anything — advice, recommendations, alladat. Thank you and love you. See you next Sunday!
I saw a tweet that said women rights were not gained by gentleness or humility or reasoning. It was gained because some women went out of the way to make themselves 'loud and unlikeable' in the struggle for some rights we enjoy today. And shoutout to them and I hope we keep it up. We gain nothing by trying to reason with the oppressors.